Lady Golfer Gets a Bee Sting

A woman golfer suffers a terrible bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it. "What happened" asked the doctor. "I got stung between the first and second hole," replied the lady golfer. The doctor replied, "Your stance must be awfully wide!"

Hooters

A group of guys from Boise, all in their 40's, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the waitresses were young, good looking, had big breasts and wore short-shorts. 

 Ten years later, at age 50, the guys once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the food and service was good, they had many televisions to watch the games on, and the beer selection was excellent. 

 Ten years later, at age 60, the guys again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace, and it was good value for the money. 

 Ten years later, at age 70, they discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled. 

 Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because they had never been there before.

Harlequin Novel, Updated… 2014 Version

He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear, "Just relax. ” Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing and moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily, My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage. And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply. Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine. Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought, a man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking 'No' for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say… "Okay ma'am, you can board your flight now."

Laws They Don't Teach in Physics

They Don't Teach in Physics: 
 1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 
 2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. 
 3.Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 
 4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers. 
 5. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. 
 6.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring. 
 7.Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 
8.Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!! 9.Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 
10.Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 
 11.The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 
 12.Murphy's= Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 
 13.Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open- faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 
 14.Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about. 15. Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 
 16.Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET! 
 17.Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it! 
 18.Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.