Lionel Trains

Q: What Do Lionel trains and boobs have in common? 

 A: They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with them!

Texas Attitude

*One day, a very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Austin . As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin’ to jump. ("fixin" in Texas means: has the means or abilities to take action). * *She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump! Think of your dear mother and father." * *He replied, "My mom and dad are both dead; I'm going to jump." * *She said, "Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children." * *He replied, "I'm not married, and I don't have any kids." * *She said, "Well, then you just remember the Alamo ." * *He replied, ''What's the Alamo ?'' * *She replied, ‘’Well, bless your heart! - You just go ahead and jump.. you little Yankee - Obama lovin' - Democrat Bastard. You’re holding up traffic”.*